Before becoming a mom, I heard that with motherhood comes the risk of losing your identity. To ward off this possibility (and to write the About Me page of this blog), I have been thinking about who I was and who I am becoming as a mom.
Our society’s shorthand for who people are is what they do. I am proud of my new role of full-time mom, but hesitate to even temporarily let go of my professional identity, including what it communicates to people about who I am. Overall, I look forward to having two roles. But I know they are tough to balance – including how they define who I am. Am I Career Woman or Mommy when introducing myself at a party?
Identity can also reveal itself or change through tackling the challenges of parenthood. While I was pregnant, I chose one word to define my early parenting style: exuberant. I meant to choose more words but got distracted by equipping our home for baby and birthing said baby. If I had chosen another word, it would have been flexible. Rather than losing who I was before, I am gaining the exuberance to share the world’s magic with Mackenzie and the flexibility to cut myself some slack when things don’t go to plan.
Baby is also handy – whilst an adorable and non-vocal age – for projecting who I want to be. He does this, for example, in the ways I describe him (friendly, cheerful, curious), the activities we get up to (many) and the clothes he wears (hand-me-downs and colourful cloth diapers). This is a dangerous game. As he grows into his own little person, I need to be vigilant in maintaining my own identity and seeing who he is without my own preferences and biases running rampant.
Finally, identity manifests in how we choose to spend our finite time. Herein lies the greatest potential for identity loss. Am I still the volunteer, devoted wife, voracious reader, exercise enthusiast, and aspiring writer I was even if I lack time for these many pursuits and being Mommy? Perhaps with less time to myself, I will prioritize what matters most to me. I’m still working on that.
Growth Spurt 